Feelings, Thoughts, Emotions defined in.... Smells?

Every movie has a smell and every time I hear that music from the movie, or think of the movie, or see the movie - I think of that smell. Whenever I smell that smell I think of the movie. I find it hilarious and odd how every movie that I have seen in the movie theaters is really defined by who sat around me at that point in time. I find it interesting how much a smell can evoke ideas of the past and memories.

“With Honors”  was released at the beginning of my time in high school and was a changing point for many of my societal views and views of self. The smell in the movie theater that day was one of hope and sadness. It was a highly sweet perfume bordering on obnoxiously sweet. Everytime I hear the Madonna song "I'll Remember", which was played in the movie, I think about the smell, the movie, and where I was in life at that time. Whenever I smell that perfume, I instantaneously have Madonna playing in my head with a slide show of memories.

“Forest Gump” was has a more musky female cologne smell and reminds me of my best friend’s mother. I went to see the movie with her and my best friend at the time. The smell invokes the movie and a slide show of that time period in my life.

This smell association has continued throughout the years for movies and it’s moved into other realms of my life. Every season and weather condition has a specific smell. The first time that year I smell fall, I get so very excited.

My smell association has expanded into my esoteric pursuits. A few years ago, I learned my guides have a smell and by that I mean, one particular guide has one particular smell association. When I need to be clued into something or he is near, the air smells like frankincense. At first this seemed like an odd smell for him to choose, since I haven’t exactly kept up with my Catholic upbringing nor really identify with any individual religion. However, the smell does being up instantaneous thoughts of the only church services I completely enjoyed and captivated me - the ritualistic ones built in ages of beliefs and gods on Christmas and Easter..... So I guess it's only fair to say that smell evokes in me a sense of ritual, thoughts, beliefs, confidence, and the esoteric....interesting...

 

Roses every time I smell them I think of my grandmother who had tons of rose bushes outside her window. Sometimes I get this smell at the oddest times, like sitting working at my computer in the dead of winter. Or making tomato sauce...? It invokes her memory for sure and a sense of home, beauty, warmth, a loving mother. I love the feel that's she's surrounding me, however transient the smell is.

The problem with smells is that...more than half the time the scientist in my thinks that I am losing my mind or having a stroke. If I try to really smell the smells, then they disappear and I can convince myself that I'm imagining them. If I live within the smell and enjoy the smell, it lingers on the very edge of consciousness and I get flooded with thoughts, emotions, memories. (Once it's over, then I question my sanity.) 

I’ve learned that if I smell something unusual the best way to treat it, is like the way I smell movies. Think about the thoughts it is evoking before trying to breath deeply and usually my answers lie within the smell before my next breath.

What smells evoke the most memories for you? 

Smells are ephemeral, just like thoughts on the edge of consciousness. Learn to sit with both, but don’t hold on too tight. 

Taking the lead...

Sometimes I feel like that one, the little one, you know the one in the way back? The little duck at the end of that line, the one facing the other way, considering other options then crawling up the wall. The one deciding whether a different path would be easier or more challenging but safer, less hostile, easier?

And then sometimes I feel like that one in the front, you know the one who is taking charge and scaling the walls to find out 'what's next.'

However, more often then not I'm the one in the way back not sure whether to follow the path of least resistance because surely it was set-up for a good reason or

to form my own path or to form my own path for others to follow in.

Although this sounds like a completely benign, esoteric conversation. It is grounded in some reality or as real as reality gets these days. Recently a friend once again asked me to 'read her chakras'. I say again because this is the 3rd or 5th or 7th time that she has asked and I've been able to endlessly slip out of this task multiple times. Additionally, another friend called me up for Archangel advice. It's not that I can't read chakras, I'm learning to accept that I can. It's not that I don't talk/feel/see angels, I'm learning to accept that too. But....

The big part of me wants to be that duck in the back and just run the other way - maybe the road is safer than what is over that curb. But, in the end, I usual hide my insecurities and help them with their esoteric questions because let's face it I'm one of the only scientist that they know who is 'strange enough' to believe in all of this.

And then sometimes I fall so far into my head, I question if I'm strange enough to believe in all of this myself.....? Usually when I fall that far, I then get force

d out of my head and back into my spirit right quickly - I can't say this feels good exactly. But, at least I'm getting use to the jump.

Trying to hide and run is exhausting, but I attempt to do this anyways. You think in the past 5 years I would have learned at least part of this lesson. "Running from yourself is futile." - I wonder how long it will take me to digest this lesson completely....?

Yes Name - No Name

As I was writing my last post discussing various plants and my new adventure 'gardening', I began thinking about names and how I have read by multiple spiritual, esoteric writers that names are inherently 'bad' or negative and do not help in our oneness. A few days later I was listening to a radio show by one spiritual author who just happened to state during that show, "Names divide us..." and pull us apart.

I think that maybe I am not far enough along my spiritual path or too far along on my scientific path to completely believe this about names.

I believe and agree with a lot, but I cannot completely get behind this or see the importance of this teaching. Names add context and substance, facts and knowledge about something, which in science includes more information and expands our knowledge. It is in the name and facts where differences lie and where I see the differences bringing us full circle to our oneness, our relations to each. It is in those differences where I see my connection to all things. My statement would be, "Names divide us and highlight are uniqueness in our oneness."

What is in a name....

Phoebastria immutabilis

Phoebastria nigripes

Above are pictures of two albatross species, the Laysan's and Black-footed albatross. By just hearing their scientific latin names, as a scientist, I know that they are closely related species and must have many attributes in common. As a non-scientist just hearing their names invokes beautiful pictures of the ocean, since both of these birds spend their entire lives at sea except to breed. Additionally, in my mind, these names invoke pictures of their majestic wing span and how the way they use air currents is extremely similar to man-made aircraft.

And these names bring up (unfortunately) pictures of just how connected we all our do to their ingestions of plastic that they digest in the middle of oceans and on far from

mainland atolls.

On a personal note, their names invoke feelings of joy and adventure from various research cruises as a scientist that I have done at sea. The way that they come up to the boat and are curious and inquisitive. Their names bring up a deep connection to family, the way they fly for days out at sea collecting food for their young back at the nest, flying thousands of miles to do so.

So, in the end the names initially divide, but if you choose to move past the division into a world where names invoke images, thoughts, feelings, and compassion, which can draw one ever closer to oneness....

What does a name mean to you? Does it divide or conquer?

Sweet Pea Mom

It is true. I finally did it. I started a blog and a patio garden this month. It is turning into quite the spring season of new adventures.....

As to why I started a blog, well, we will save that for another day. As to why I started a garden, well, I thought it was about time. I love the feeling that one receives from fresh, beautiful, incredibly delicate, yet intricately obvious flowers. I also love the feeling of using vegetables and herbs that have been grown with love, tenderness, and care. All of these feelings got me thinking that I could do grow these flowers and vegetables myself....

Unfortunately, I may love the outdoors, but my 'green thumb' is not quite so green - it is more mustard colored. I have been afraid to grow...well....everything! What if I kill them? What if I do not get them to grow? What if I forget about them? What if they decide to be obstinate (if even possible) and not grow? What if I torture poor unsuspecting plants with my lack of a correct color thumb?Ugh ah blah.

Thus begins my gardening adventure and all the questions that ran through my mind on GardenDay #1. GD#1:I received some seeds from a friend. Sweet pea seeds in fact. I feel like I am in 1st grade for gardeners, which is hilarious because I am an ecology student and one would think plants wouldn't scare me, but they do! So I planted the sweet peas, as my friend directed (overnight the seeds in a paper towel in the fridge, then plant 1" deep in soil) and you should obtain this:

Two weeks went by and I got this:

Feeling of Gardener-First-Grade failure began to sink in. What if I planted them too deep? What if I planted them too shallow and birds at them? Did I water them too much or too little!?!?! And these were the questions running through my head on GardenDay#12.

GardenDay#15: As all hope was lost, I stepped out on my patio to find A SEEDLING!!! I did not, in fact, fail as a sweet pea mom!

GardenDay#25:

It is almost time to replant in a bigger pot, which I'm sure will incite more questions of gardener inadequacy - stay tuned.

Today as I smile and cheer on my little seedlings, I learned that the meanings associated with Sweet Pears are 'blissful pleasure, delicate pleasure, good-bye, and thank you for a lovely time.' I would like to think this is rather apt to my feelings of overjoy at graduating 'Gardener 1st Grade'. Good-bye 1st Grade, here I come Middle School. Next up: Sage ('wisdom/esteem').